Elementary Chef

I am never so disappointed as when somebody invites me to a gathering and insists I don’t need to bring anything, only to find when the meal is served, a partially-cooked (or burned) meat with nothing (or almost nothing) in the way of side dishes.

Last summer we went to a birthday party for a one-year-old. They had all manner of grilled meats available: hamburgers, hot dogs, sausages, and steaks. Everything was grilled to perfection, but the only sides they served were – get this – potato chips. Taco chips. Guacamole and bean dip.

They coulda had a superb buffet, if only they’d asked!

And done a tiny bit of planning.

You might want to have a barbecue, or any sort of celebratory dinner, and it seems that too often the host or hostess stops their thinking right after the meat course. Sure, you may be the best barbecuer ever, or the best deep-fried turkey cook, but what else are you going to have?

A meal for a crowd requires three basic elements: meat, veg, and starch. (Sorry, lettuce and tomato on burgers does not count as a vegetable, and the bun does not count as a starch. You need three things on the plate, minimum.)

If you’re having a barbecue, with hamburgers and etc, then you need at least one salad of some sort and perhaps some beans. There are literally dozens of side dishes that go well with any kind of barbecued meat.

AND! You may not have to cook it all yourself.
There are two ways to approach this: do-it-yourself or potluck.

If you’re comfortable in the kitchen, then by all means go right ahead and cook that meal for 30.

I’ve done this. It’s a lot of work, and you will need to block out a full 24-48 hours of time to include everything that needs doing to ensure everyone gets fed. Everyone else, that is. You will not have time to eat. But, by golly, everything will be exactly as you want it.

A better way is to go potluck, especially if you’re a single person with limited resources. Don’t just tell your friends, “bring something,� though. You WILL end up with 5 or 6 potato salads and/or jello molds. Or even worse – lots of packages of paper plates and napkins and NO FOOD!!!

Yes, these terrors have occurred.

The way to avoid it is to make a list of the foods you think are appropriate, and then when you’re inviting people, tell them it’s a potluck and ask what they would like to bring. Keep track of who is bringing what. Write it down!! Don’t forget dessert!

Do not let your most unreliable buddy bring anything important. Assign him or her something you can easily do without, if they don’t show up.

If you’re doing a potluck, don’t ever complain about the dish somebody brings. Sure, it may well be the absolute worst three-bean salad you’ve ever had, but your friend may have given it his or her best effort.

Be a charming host — Scoop up a generous portion of that weird casserole nobody’s eating and pretend to like it. Find a way in the confusion of things to dispose of it discreetly. People DO watch what’s being eaten, and get their feelings hurt if nobody likes their food.

Finally – The term, “potluck�, used to mean you’d eat whatever was available and like it.

Something to consider.